Lindsey Graham Introducing Resolution to Permanently Attach Lips to Trump's Ass

By Bess Levin, Vanity Fair

26 October 19

The senator has had enough of this impeachment business and is formally condemning Democrats for their treatment of the president.

indsey Graham is hopping mad and he’s pretty sure you know why. Despite the South Carolina senator’s insistence that Donald Trump did nothing wrong when it comes to Ukraine, and that it’s “very appropriate” for the president of the United States to try to extort another country, House Democrats just had to go ahead and open their impeachment inquiry. Even though Trump, who admitted to withholding aid to Ukraine until it investigated his political rival, is quite obviously innocent. Even though, as God is his witness, Graham will testify Trump doesn’t have a corrupt bone in his body, and would never do any of the things his acting chief of staff has already confessed to on live television. Even though Nancy Pelosi can quite obviously see it’s tearing Graham up inside.

And that got Lindsey thinking: Sure, he can wag his finger at Democrats and tell them they should be ashamed of themselves, that their mamas raised them better than this, and that they should be sent to bed without any shrimp and grits, but serious times call for serious measures. And that is why, on Thursday afternoon, he will introduce a resolution that not only formally denounces the House’s impeachment inquiry, but makes it clear to any presidents listening that he is willing to go down with the ship. Speaking about his plan on Fox News, Graham told Sean Hannity, “This resolution puts the Senate on record condemning the House…. Here’s the point of the resolution: Any impeachment vote based on this process, to me, is illegitimate, is unconstitutional, and should be dismissed in the Senate without a trial.”

Of course, nowhere in the Constitution does it say that the House must hold a vote before opening an impeachment inquiry, nor does anyone believe that Republicans would suddenly be totally cool with the proceedings should one be held, but never mind you that. Graham is also apparently upset that the president has not been allowed to confront the whistle-blower, whose identity is protected by federal law. “We cannot allow future presidents and this president to be impeached based on an inquiry in the House that’s never been voted upon, that does not allow the president to confront the witnesses against him, to call witnesses on his behalf, and cross-examine people who are accusing him of misdeeds,” he said.

Graham, whose devotion to Trump runs so deep that he’s willing to overlook all the times the president has slandered his dead friend, announced the resolution after saying earlier this month that he would be sending a letter to Pelosi telling her that Senate Republicans have no intention of removing Trump from office over a friendly phone call with the president of Ukraine. And even though Graham is sticking his neck out for the president he loves, for some people, it’s apparently not enough. According to Jonathan Swan, “a source close to” Donald Trump Jr. doesn’t think a resolution is enough. “If you’re going to talk the talk on Fox, you better walk the walk in the chamber,” this person said. “And a resolution is just talk. People expect action.”

It’s not clear what kind of action Don Jr.’s inner circle would like Graham to take, or what would constitute walking the walk, though there is presumably a nonzero chance Graham will use his 3 p.m. press conference to chain himself to the doors of Pelosi‘s office and refuse to get out of the way until the House agrees to clear Trump on all charges and pass a law declaring him president for life.